We're Indians.
We are patient, tolerant people. We accept all religions and tolerate all kinds of behavior. We never riot. Rioting, too, happens only outside our borders. We keep the peace at all hours. We do not typecast other religions or provoke sentiments. Watch our many movies for proof.
All Indians are our brothers and sisters. This is why we respect all women. This is why women in our major cities can do as they like and travel, unaccompanied, at all hours and feel safe. This is why our policemen are highly respected, for the protection they offer to all .
We love cleanliness and hygiene and do everything in our power to save the environment. We do not use any product or apparatus that causes pollution. We plant tress, save water and electricity as much as possible. We obey traffic rules and believe in safe driving.
We don't consume alchohol and teach our children the same. We spend less money every month on partying, buying clothes and self indulgence. After all, We are charitable people and we like to help the poor and needy and donate a part of our earnings for their upliftment.
Education is important for us. We respect our system of education. We encourage our sons and daughters to get an education here, not abroad, because we believe in the system. The few who graduate abroad are encouraged to come back here, to make life even better than it already is for themselves and their countrymen.
We are proud of our culture. We uphold it every week. Our heritage is precious. This is why we protect it well. Our monuments are well cared for. Our museums are well funded. Our curators are literate and well paid. We do not allow people to encroach on sites like the Taj Mahal or the Qutub Minar. Graffiti is not allowed. Vandalism is a myth.
We treat our sons and daughters equally. We allow our daughters to marry when they wish to. We allow our daughters to pick the men they want to spend their lives with. We encourage our daughters to think for themselves and fall in love. We believe they have the intelligence to make wise decisions. This is also why we encourage them to study further.
We don't kiss. Kissing is what people outside India do. We just smile shyly at the people we love. Watch our many movies for proof.
We are all heterosexual. Homosexuals live outside our borders. We encourage our media to explore sexuality. We accept alternative sexualities, even though we are all convinced they do not exist. Which is why we try and keep the population of our nation under control. Sex is, after all, a dirty word. We don't think about sex. It's never on our minds. We think pure thoughts at all hours.
We love our cricket. It's because we're so good at it. It's because our cricketers pour their heart into every game. Other sports are not worthy of our attention. Other sportsmen do not pour their hearts out into their games. Other sportsmen are not worthy of endorsing our brands of footwear, aerated drinks or car batteries. Our cricketers alone deserve our adoration. Our cricketers and our movie stars, that is.
Our movie stars are intelligent. They study all scripts carefully and are always unwilling to propagate stereotypes. Our movie stars live clean, wholesome lives and are therefore perfectly suited to deliver clean, wholesome messages to the masses that adore them.
Our politicians are pillars of honesty and hardwork. Corruption and bribery is a myth at any level in this great nation of ours. Our justice system is strong, speedy and full proof. The innocent get justice and the guilty are punished as per law. There are hardly any ques here. Everyone gets quick and effective service.
Our government makes sure everyone is well fed, sheltered and clothed. Thats why it focuses heavily on rural upliftment. We pay our taxes honestly and strengthen the governmental framework so it can make better roads, hospitals and general infrastructure in every village, town and city.
We love our country. We don't want to live anywhere else. We don't work towards the idea of leaving it and never coming back. Because we're Indians.
Hypocrites, all.
Oh it's true.. it's true.. at least in some pretexts of religious rituals and their aftermath. This text is not written to hurt the sentiments of the people of my religion, but to mock why we do what we do. Case in point - the festival of lights, A.K.A - Diwali and the festival of color, A.K.A Holi.
Lets begin with A BANG! quite literally. Diwali! The festival is celebrated all across the nation and is cherished and loved by people of all religions ( I wonder why ).
Now diwali was first celebrated in the time of lord Rama on his homecoming to Ayodhya after kicking Ravana's butt. The ayodhayans lit the city up with diya's and candles or so I've heard (of course there was no Edison back then.. hence no 100 watt light bulb). Now there wasn't much progress in the gunpowder department either according to Mr. Ramanand Sagar's epic serial Ramanaya which by the way ruined my chances to watch my favorite Mickey n Donald show on the alternate doordarshan channel aired at the same time as ramayana cuz my family would get glued to the set. Coming back to my point..
Since there was no gunpowder, I am guessing that there would have been no fire crackers either. Now some useless gyan - gunpowder was invented in China, it was used to fill in bamboo tubes and when lighted, produced loud explosions. Firecrackers came to be called baozhang (exploding sticks), a name still used in certain regions. According to the Song Dynasty work Origins of Things, the first scientist who used gunpowder for crackers was Ma Jun of the period of the Three Kingdoms (220-265), which puts their beginning at 1,700 years ago.
Now comes couple of important observational questions:
1) When/why the F*ck did the firecracker become associated with Diwali?
2) How does polluting the environment every year for almost a week before/after and on the actual day help to please the Gods?
3) Is the government made of illiterate, stupid or deaf people who are not willing to ban the crackers?
Already the city I live in is like the super polluted city of this planet, then why do people make it a point every year to f*ck things up further?
Let me present an alternate to the cracker craving for my fellow indians. You take a 50/100/500 rupee note and tear it. No pollution and no sound with the same damage your pocket effect. Yiiipiiieee Happy Diwali!!
Lets come down to Holi.. It is one occasion when sprinkling colored powder ('gulal') or colored water on each other breaks all barriers of discrimination so that everyone looks the same and universal brotherhood is reaffirmed. This is one simple reason to participate in this colorful festival right?! WRONG!! It's the festival of waste... Every year for some weird reason,we Indians get another craving to canvas themselves in weird colors, act like chimps in heat and get stoned/drunk in the name of GOD and unity.. Weird huh.. Which "GOD" says that if u wanna please me, then act like an Idiot? Seriously.. u put on all that color (f*ckin up your skin and hair), only to waste 50 liters of water per person to wash it off.. Seriously in which Hindu scripture or religious text is this deadly recipe of ritual given to be followed.. I would like get a copy. Of course
I'm positive that you don't need a gimmic like color to feel united or brotherly!?
We forget if mother nature can give us, then it can "Take it Back" as rightly sung by Floyd. So please fellow Indians.. celebrate.. but with respect and responsibility towards our environment. Enjoy! but not at the cost of the generations to come. You get one life to make a difference.. so please make it worth.
