Failure to Communicate


Sometimes, events occur in some random succession which are not supposed to occur under the normal circumstances. Some of these events are controllable and some are not. Today was just such a day when they were not.

I'd like to be in control of every situation I am in and I am the type who rarely shares his emotions or feelings whether good or bad with anyone. But today, I couldn't hold either of them in for 45 long minutes. I know myself.. or at least I think I knew myself .. I would never let anyone get to me or affect me about anything... I don't really know what happened.. I snapped.. and for 45 mins, I became someone I would never like to be again - Egoistic. What this person said to me is not important.. what is that what effect that had on me..

Why did I do this? What was the need? Why did I let someone affect my thought process.. I had promised myself I wouldn't let anybody and anything affect me... How the hell did this happen? I didn't know this person.. neither did this person know me.. Yet for some reason, I felt the need to belt out my anger.. Maybe in this person I saw a bit of me.. A part of me which I had always wanted to forget.. A part of me which I have been running away from a long time..it felt like my past, catching up with me..

I think repressing our feelings doesn't mean they go away. On the contrary, they are buried alive, deep within the cells of our body and unconsciously we act them out in a more indirect and unhealthy way.

By the end of it all, I added a previously deleted word to my vocabulary today.. it's called "empathy"...

6 comments:

Repressed feelings come out with a vengence. As I said, you've been concentrating on the wrong problems.

The idea is not to get control over things and 'make' them the way they should be. The idea is to 'understand' the way things are and accept them.

Of course there are things that should not be accepted but then those are very clearly defined and anyone with a conscience would agree with you on them. They are what violate the very basic rights and wrongs of life; fortunately? Those situations don't come along very often.

February 26, 2008 at 12:02 AM  

I think i have just coined a new term for myself.. its called quarter life crisis :)..just kidding.. it was an unusual thing for me. I should have just kept quiet or changed the topic like I always do. It felt like I was talking to my past.. trying to warn it about the present and preparing it for the future.. I should have known better.. you dig in the past, all you get it is dirty..

February 26, 2008 at 12:53 AM  

Things like a mid-life crisis, quater-life crisis, are rich people's issues; translation, bigger issues exist for the rest of us.

Stop being so negative. The world isn't all bad, people aren't all asshole and your life, really has not been that difficult.

Start making it a practice to look at the glass at half-full, even when your entire being wants to look at it the other way round.

Start believing in people and make yourself strong enough that if they DO let you down, you won't get hurt by it.

Why then would you ever need to hide yourself? Accept that people make mistakes and they may occasionally do things that will hurt you, or maybe at times, you'd just be too sensitive. Either way, you'd be fine. Open and still not vulnerable.

Most of all, make yourself into a person that everyone would admire and respect you. That won't happen by getting groceries every day, or never even looking at a drink. That'll happen when you would go out of your way for doing things for "other" people; 'without' expecting anything at all in return. Haan babut kuchh kar liya, lekin sab sirf apne liye na? Woh to bahut log karte hein, some are more successful at it, some are less, but that won't earn you the kind of respect, admiration and love that you are seeking.

That will come only after you _know that you have made a difference in people's lives. Whether 10, 100 or 10,000, it doesn't matter that much, as long as the difference was significant enough. The difference propogates and your worth as a human being increases.


Oh for all of that to happen? You'd have to sorta start valuing people on the correct basis too; versus how much work they have done, or how successful they have become, or how cool they are. Remember, one tries to emulate qualities in himself, that he admires in others. Admire the correct ones, you'll inculcate the correct ones.


If you feel this comment is too personal, save it away somewhere and feel free to delete it. I wouldn't mind it in the least.

February 26, 2008 at 2:20 PM  

Thats perhaps one of the best advice anyone has ever given me.. I intend to keep it here and share it with other people as we.. I will definitely change my attitude.. like I told you earlier.. As for once I was blind.. now I can see.

February 26, 2008 at 2:57 PM  

other ppl are mch mre convincing than usual n u may find that u r mre easily led along into activites or plans that u would ordinarily say no to in a heartbeat.n whn ppl who r somebody or dont matter fr u , or let me put it ths way whn persuasive ppl meet ppl like u a tendency to impulse occurs....n its a reciepe fr disaster...coz they alwaz distract u.

perfect lines fr u from the book m reading nowadays........[let ur subconscious mind lead the way today because ur conscious mind is full of doubts n worries--at least whn u dealing wth something imp. things get a lot better tomorrow. ] thts the way i xactly live n belive in n even if somebody try to compel me wth his thoughts...i wd disappoint him..
alwaz follow ur heart...ppl come n go but u will be alwaz glad whn u realize u developed ur own image not wha ppl try to mould u or change u in just a snap fr their own convenience.my asset is self-worth......

but as we always talk every 1 can be right frm his or her perspective, its only how u want to see them........

February 27, 2008 at 11:13 PM  

other ppl are mch mre convincing than usual n u may find that u r mre easily led along into activites or plans that u would ordinarily say no to in a heartbeat.n whn ppl who r somebody or dont matter fr u , or let me put it ths way whn persuasive ppl meet ppl like u a tendency to impulse occurs....n its a reciepe fr disaster...coz they alwaz distract u.

perfect lines fr u from the book m reading nowadays........[let ur subconscious mind lead the way today because ur conscious mind is full of doubts n worries--at least whn u dealing wth something imp. things get a lot better tomorrow. ] thts the way i xactly live n belive in n even if somebody try to compel me wth his thoughts...i wd disappoint him..
alwaz follow ur heart...ppl come n go but u will be alwaz glad whn u realize u developed ur own image not wha ppl try to mould u or change u in just a snap fr their own convenience.my asset is self-worth......

but as we always talk every 1 can be right frm his or her perspective, its only how u want to see them........

February 27, 2008 at 11:15 PM  

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